Tuesday, December 29, 2015

This morning I sit here with my coffee, waiting for the rain to come and I listen. I hear my boys racing remote control cars. My oldest is most likely still in bed. Number 2 is watching the news because she is wrapped up in the idea that our city will flood soon(it won't) and my Ray of Sunshine is currently eating cereal. It is nice and cozy. Not quiet but cozy. My heart is with my friend as she tries to pull her life together after the loss of her little boy. For the next few weeks, my kids will be allowed to be a little louder, a bit clingier, stay up longer and be more messy. They just will be. Sad that it takes such a tragedy to make me realize my kids need to be kids longer.

Yet, today, I can't focus on the sad. I have to begin focusing on the positive. My friend won't need my saddness, her grief will be enough. I must focus on my Lord. He is the only Way out of this situation safely. I wish I could be more like my kids. I tell them about the baby, they are sad but then they are joyful because that baby is in heaven and will never deal with the nastiness of the world. My mind tends to think of personal value and ownership. That she needs those snuggles and hugs. She deserves a crying baby to love. That she did the work of all those months and those things belong to her.....but they don't. Our children are on loan to us from the Lord. He can call them Home when He deems necessary. It won't make me happy, but I can be joyous knowing that my kids love Him. Life.....not easy. Christian life....certainly harder. My children are not my own. My life is not my own.

Today the kids and I will focus on making memories. Playing games and spending time ensuring that 2015 goes out with a blast for us. We begin 2016 with a renewed Hope in Christ that He is ours and we are His.

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