My oh my...Life happens so fast. It seems likes weeks ago that Layne and I were able to spend some time alone while his sister and her husband watched our kids. It has been a little over a week. We have been so blessed recently...and it is usually in those times of blessings that the enemy(either satan or our own hearts) will begin an attack.
I have been making some decisions lately...decisions that I know God has wanted to me to make for a long time but I was not ready...Imagine that...me telling the Creator of all things...the Master Planner that I had a better idea. What a fool I have been. I look back on several decisions...several relationships that have brought mostly grief and worry...causing me to question God...and the whole time, He was saying "Let Go"
Years ago, walking up a hill while one of the dearest Christian men in my life, a guy by the name of Dean, carried his bike and mine because I simply could not push it any further, I learned one of the most valuable lessons of all times. Dean told me that one of his favorite songs is Stand Up, Stand Up for Jesus, because of one line...The arm of Flesh will fail you...as we walked the rest of the way in silence, I could not stop thinking about that line. It was true. Every person, even yourself, will fail you. I thought about my dad, and while he had no choice in the mater, ultimately he failed me. My friends have failed me. My mom has failed me at different times. However, I fail myself the most. If I fail myself on a regular basis, why would I not see that others will fail me to? I don't think I have ever told Dean how much that one conversation meant. To be honest, I have many fond memories of wise things that man shared with me. Right now though, this lessons is first and foremost on my mind. I have put people on pedalstools---that only gives thsoe people more room to fall. I have made friends with people that I knew I should not have---that leads to heartache for others. I am glad that I learned early to never think that just because someone is Christian, that they will never let me down...and I am glad have never thought of myself so highly as to be hurt when I am let down. I am also glad that I learned...perhaps too late in life...that I don't have to be walked on or treated like trash and talked down to...I don't have to take that because that is not what God has called us for. He has said that we should proclaim the Gospel...when we realize that others are hardhearted towards our words, turn and walk away, shaking the dust from our feet - So right now I am getting rid of some of the dust that is clinging to my feet. The dust I carry comes in many forms...So I will shake, shake, shake...and then, the dust that remains will need to be washed off by my Jesus...and I will not anticipate a pedicure-like washing...I anticipate it to be rough and hurt...but so worth it in the end.