A new season. Fall has come again. But that isn't the new season that has me frazzled and confused. We have begun a new season in our life, our marriage...in our journey with God. My husband lost his job in March. He looked for a new job but nothing seemed right. Honestly, my hubby is the type of guy who is great at EVERYTHING he does. If he doesn't know everything about a subject, he will in a few days. He is a wealth of pretty useless knowledge. It comes in handy.
Anyway, nothing seemed to be working out. Until one day.....those words can be some troublesome. The Queen ruled her kingdom happily, until one day. The family was content in their small dwelling, bumping into each other, until one day..... You get the idea. Well, our one day came! I have always prayed for us to be in a stronger ministry. A ministry where he is at the forefront. I have prayed for him to be our spiritual strong front...our leader. Well, sometimes God likes to hold a door shut until the exact moment of opportunity and then He doesn't just open it...He swings it WIDE open.
I sometimes feel like I got hit in the face by the door. When my sweetheart told me he lost his job, I was calm...I remained steady in my faith. But recently, it has been hard. See, we have become full-time missionaries. WHAT!!??!! Yep, those are my thoughts. When I tell people that...I get weird looks. As if they feel I am asking for a donation(all donations are accepted). Or that we have lost our minds. Or that we have taken the easy way out. EASY WAY?? I think we work twice as hard...and have no paycheck to show. I am not complaining. I am struggling. Finances are not my thing. I panic..I totally loose it when I pay the bills and we are making enough money. But to not know where it is coming from????
WOW!!! God is growing me. I thought I had such strong faith. But it seems that my faith was dependent on my circumstances a wee bit. I have become uncomfortable with this idea...but I have not abandoned it. I know that in the looooong run, God will take care of us. And He will do it without my help...He can provide. My issue is how to deal with this new way of life. How exactly do you budget nothing? How do you prepare if you have no provisions? God is teaching me...I am a tough student to teach. I think I know it all...but I don't.
I am drowning. My head is barely above water. However, a friend recently paid for me to be a part of a Bible Study and it seems as though I am beginning to tread water. I don't see a huge hole of blackness and debt that we are rushing toward. I see lives being changed...ours included. I can't just run out and buy bread or a new pair of shoes. I can't just go get new markers for school b/c my dry-erase markers are all dry. I have to think of new ways to teach, hot glue the shoes back together...and guess what - Flour tortillas make great sandwiches. Sometimes....just meat and cheese is a delicious change for the kids..they love it. They are more accepting of the changes that are coming.
So maybe I learn from them. Just trust God and know that He will take care of me. If He feeds that sparrows and clothes the lilies of the fields...will He not provide much more for me??